How the Wikileaks Cables Would Have Read If Obama Had His Act Together

Hillary Clinton’s WikiLeaks fantasy : The New Yorker

DATE: 2010-09-01

SOURCE: Embassy Moscow

SUBJECT: MISSILE-DEFENSE SITE

 

1. (S/NF) Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov entered meeting in a combative mood, denouncing the Pentagon’s proposed ballistic-missile-defense site in Poland in the strongest terms. Lavrov suggested to DCM that continued US intransigence could destabilize US-Russia relations.

2. (S/NF) What followed can only be described as a masterpiece of modern diplomacy. Shifting effortlessly between Russian, French, and Ancient Greek, DCM unfurled a sweeping counterargument—not so much a policy discussion as a grand, deeply human drama worthy of Tolstoy—that incorporated elements of ballet, puppetry, and Hindu mysticism, and elicited both raucous laughter and bitter tears on four separate occasions. DCM concluded his presentation with a humble paean to the moon, accompanied by the soft roll of a timpani to symbolize the march of time.

3. (S/NF) Immediately, the room erupted in ecstatic applause, and the DCM was besieged by starstruck Russian diplomats who had apparently come to think of him as some sort of god. Foreign Minister Lavrov apologized for his insolence, and insisted that the USG proceed with the proposed missile-defense site with all haste. (END DISPATCH.)

 


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